No longer a Bookstore employee

As of today I no longer work at the Denver Seminary Bookstore. This is the first time that's been true since the end of August, 2007. Over my 2+ years at the store I ran into a number of people and situations that I found irritating and/or funny. I've compiled a top ten list for my own amusement, but hopefully it'll amuse one or two of you as well.

*I apologize for the length of this post, and also for my often cynical attitude that tended to be evoked while working this customer-oriented job.

10. We once found that a leather bound NIV Study Bible had been stolen, and the thief had left his/her own leather bound KJV in the stolen Bible's box in its place. I guess if you leave an old Bible when you steal a new one, it doesn't weigh as heavily on the Christian conscience.

9. To the hundreds of you who have asked me over the last couple of years: No, we do not give discounts just because you're a pastor/graduate/parent of a student/Christian/church staffer/missionary/nurse/chaplain/friend of Dr. Blomberg.

8 The bookstore used to offer discounts to faculty, staff, students, and alumni, but a year and a half ago an outside company was brought in to run the store (the store was apparently not making money before the switch, due in part to all the discounts we offered). Still, after a year and a half of not giving those discounts I consistently hear, "But you used to give discounts!" It makes me want to say, "Yeah, and eggs used to cost a dime a dozen, and I used to weigh a lot less. What else happened a long time ago?"

7. In the weeks prior to the beginning of each semester we put barricades (like those used to form lines at the bank or the airport) around our textbook section in order to keep people out while we stock the shelves (another reason is to minimize the students who come in three weeks before classes start in order to right down titles and ISBNs so they can purchase books on Amazon, which isn't a despicable practice, but it's not in the interest of the store to do Amazon's customer service for them). When the barricades are in place there are signs everywhere explaining that we're still stocking the shelves and that people aren't allowed back there, and that if they need a book they can ask the staff and we'll pull anything you need for you. Still, I watched people every day stop at the barricades, read the signs, and then go around the barricades into the text section to see what they needed. (I should also mention that all of the class book lists are also available online.)

6. You wouldn't believe the number of times I've been told that I should extend a discount to someone because they can get their book cheaper on Amazon. If I can get something cheaper across the street, I go across the street. I don't expect the more expensive place to lower its price. Look, it's not my fault that you waited until 5:45 p.m. on the day before your 18-page paper is due to decide that you should probably buy that book that takes two weeks to ship to you from Amazon. That's your own problem.

5. In addition to ignoring barricades and posted signs about the barricades, tons of people ignore other posted notices, such as return policies (which also gets stapled to your receipt, so please do NOT try to convince me that it's my fault you didn't know about the policy).

4. On more than one occasion, after closing the store, shutting down computers, and turning off lights, I had people who would spot me inside the store and call me over to the door, and try desperately to convince me to let them in. One particular time I'd been closed for more than fifteen minutes. The most common story I hear? "But I drove over an hour to get here!" Wow, really? And you didn't check to make sure the store would be open when you arrived? I feel for you. I really do. But it's not possible to re-open the store to sell you a book. The library's next door. Good luck.

3. The store's doors are on an automatic timed locking system. After hearing the doors click locked at closing time I turned off the lights and headed to the back room for some closing procedures. One of the front doors had apparently stuck and not completely closed, because about ten minutes later as I was leaving I walked up to the front of the store to find a gentleman browsing in complete darkness. He told me he "didn't realize" we were closed. It was pitch black. I understand that if the door's open you might step in, but when you see that it's completely dark and you can't even read the titles of the books on the shelf, wouldn't you find someone to at least ask whether or not they're open?

2. One of our entrance doors has a turnable handle, but the handle part of the door stays locked at all times. Still, being on a timer lock, if we're open the door will open when you push on it. Countless times I've been asked, "Are you open? The door is locked," as they walk through the door and into the store. By definition, if a door is locked it doesn't just open so you can walk through it. Promise.

1. This one could technically fit under #5 because it's about ignoring a posted notice, but this one I just couldn't believe, and it deserves it's own number. We were closed for inventory one morning, but those in charge of changing our automatic timer locks had had some communication mix-up, so our doors were unlocked. We set up some of our aforementioned barricades and posted signs on all of the doors that said, "Closed for inventory. Will reopen at 1 p.m." People still came in all morning long. As they did we'd say, "I'm sorry, we're actually closed right now." More often than not the response we got was either, "Well I'm just cutting through," or "Well I just needed to check to see if you have a book I need." This is a graduate school. Do you understand what "closed" means? It means you can't just cut through, and you can't check to see what books we've got. We're CLOSED. My favorite one was when my coworker placed one of the signs on the seam of the double doors out front so that it would be impossible to open the doors without seeing the sign and ripping it in half. Before my coworker made it around to our other entrance a woman went around the barricades and ripped the sign in half as she opened the front door and came in. "I'm sorry, we're closed right now, which is why we had that sign on the door." She responded, "Oh, I WONDERED what that sign was for!" In my head: "Really? Did you really wonder? Well the sign has about eight words on it. There are two lines. You're in graduate school. As a student here you're assigned hundreds of pages of difficult reading every week. If you really wondered about that sign, you likely would have spent the 0.24 seconds to read it. Get out of this store."