March 25, 2011

A birthday post and its translation into another language

A came across THIS tool the other day, which takes a chunk of text you've written and translates it into "12-year-old on AOL" language. So, below is a birthday blog post, and underneath that I've included the "translated" version (in blue).

Elizabeth had a birthday last week. We celebrated by going to a "dueling pianos" bar. It was the first time either of us had ever been to such a place. As it turns out, "dueling pianos" is code for "there are two pianos on the stage and two guys play together while singing all different songs and taking requests." In other words, there was no real "dueling" at all. It was still fun, though! We enjoyed ourselves.

A couple of nights later we enjoyed an evening out with some friends we really love. We went to Red Robin. If you register one of their loyalty cards you're given a free appetizer (of the 11 people in our group, I think 8 of us had loyalty cards and ordered free appetizers). Our waitress was fabulous. Since Elizabeth and I are cheap, we ONLY ordered appetizers and ate them as our meal.

This week I had a birthday. We went BACK to Red Robin, and we both used our "free birthday burger," also available when you register a loyalty card. So, for the second time in 6 days, we got to eat at Red Robin and pay only for our server's tip. In addition, on my birthday we had free breakfast from Chick-Fil-A (they're offering a free breakfast entree every Wednesday during the month of March). I also used a coupon from Caribou Coffee to get a free birthday drink.

We basically use our birthdays as a way to eke out every free item we can possibly get. Fun, huh?

12-year-old-AOLer version of the above blog post:



3LIZAEBTH HAD A BIRTHDAY LAST WEK!!1!! WTF LOL WE CALABRAETD BY GONG 2 A DUALNG PIANOS BAR!11!!1!1 OMG WTF IT WAS TEH FIRST TIEM 3ITHER OF US HAD EVER BAN 2 SUCH A PLAEC!1!1!11 OMG AS IT TURNS OUT DUALNG PIANOS SI CODE FOR THAR3 R TWO PIANOS ON TEH STAEG AND TWO GUYS PLAY 2GETH3R WHIEL SNGNG AL DIFERENT SONGS AND TAKNG R3QUESTS!!!11! OMG WTF IN OTH3R WORDS THEIR WAS NO REAL DU3LNG AT AL!!1!!!!11 WTF LOL IT WAS STIL FUN THOUGH!!1!1!1! WTF LOL WE ANJOYED OURSELVAS
A!1!!!1!! OMG LOL COUPLE OF NIGHTS L8R WE ENJOYED AN EVENNG OUT WIT SOME FREINDS WE RILLY LOV3!11111 WTF LOL WA W3NT 2 RAD ROBIN!111!11 WTF IF U R3GISTAR ON3 OF THERE LOYALTY CARDS UR GIEVN A FRE APETIEZR (OF TEH 1 PEOPL3 IN OUR GROUP I THINK 8 OF US HAD LOYALTY CARDS AND ORDERED FRE APETIEZRS)!!!1!1!1 OMG WTF OUR WATERAS WAS FABULOS!1!!!!1 WTF LOL SINCE ELIZAEBTH AND I R CH3AP W3 ONLEY ORDERED APATIEZRS AND AET THEM AS OUR MEAL
THIS!!111 OMG WTF LOL WEK I HAD A BIRTHDAY!1!!11 OMG WTF LOL WE WANT BAK 2 RED ROBIN AND WE BOTH UESD OUR FRE BIRTHDAY BURGER ALSO AVALEABL3 WHEN U REGIST3R A LOYALTY CARD!!!11 OMG LOL SO FOR TEH SACOND TIEM IN 6 DAYS WE GOT 2 3AT AT R3D ROBIN AND PAY ONLEY FOR OUR SERV3RS TIP!1!!!!1!1 IN ADITION ON MAH BIRTHDAY WE HAD FRE BR3AKFAST FROM CHIK-FIL-A (THEYRA OFARNG A FRE BRAAKFAST ENTRE 3V3RY WEDN3SDAY DURNG TEH MONTH OF MARCH)!!!!!! OMG LOL I ALSO UESD A COUPON FROM CARIBOU COFE 2 GET A FRE BIRTHDAY DRINK
WE!!1!1! OMG WTF BASICALY UES OUR BIRTHDAYS AS A WAY 2 EKA OUT EVERY FRE IETM W3 CAN POSIBLEY GET!1!!1 OMG LOL FUN HUH?!??!?!? LOL

March 21, 2011

Simple Music

I have a pretty eclectic musical taste and I listen to a very wide range of artists and genres, but more than any other genre, country music seems to stir up certain friends of mine into a sort of elitist frenzy where country music is mocked and belittled for being simplistic and unsophisticated. I can certainly understand such claims, and I've never suggested that anyone must enjoy all the same kinds of music I happen to. But for all those friends who made fun of Garth Brooks and then turned on their Casey Kasem top-40 radio stations, I present the following video. (warning: there are a couple instances of inappropriate language)

March 12, 2011

An interesting story

Don Harper Mills, in a speech to the American Association for Forensic Sciences, related the following story (which I found HERE) about one of the most bizarre and legally complicated suicides ever heard of (trust me, this is an entertaining story).

On March 23 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a gunshot wound of the head caused by a shotgun. Investigation to that point had revealed that the decedent had jumped from the top of a ten story building with the intent to commit suicide. (He left a note indicating his despondency.) As he passed the 9th floor on the way down, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast through a window, killing him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety net had been erected at the 8th floor level to protect some window washers, and that the decedent would not have been able to complete his intent to commit suicide because of this... 
Ordinarily a person who starts into motion the events with a suicide intent ultimately commits suicide even though the mechanism might be not what he intended. That he was shot on the way to certain death nine stories below probably would not change his mode of death from suicide to homicide, but the fact that his suicide intent would not have been achieved under any circumstance caused the medical examiner to feel that he had homicide on his hands... 
Further investigation led to the discovery that the room on the 9th floor from whence the shotgun blast emanated was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. He was threatening her with the shotgun because of an interspousal spat and became so upset that he could not hold the shotgun straight. Therefore, when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife, and the pellets went through the window, striking the decedent. 
When one intends to kill subject A, but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. The old man was confronted with this conclusion, but both he and his wife were adamant in stating that neither knew that the shotgun was loaded. It was the longtime habit of the old man to threaten his wife with an unloaded shotgun. He had no intent to murder her; therefore, the killing of the decedent appeared then to be accident. That is, the gun had been accidentally loaded... 
But further investigation turned up a witness that their son was seen loading the shotgun approximately six weeks prior to the fatal accident. That investigation showed that the mother (the old lady) had cut off her son's financial support, and her son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that the father would shoot his mother. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus... 
Further investigation revealed that the son became increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to get his mother murdered. This led him to jump off the ten story building on March 23, only to be killed by a shotgun blast through a 9th story window. 
The medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.
Now before you run off and tell this story to all your friends, I should mention that Don Harper Mills made this story up. This suicide did not, in fact, happen. It's still a very amusing story, in my opinion. Did you think so?