The Dentist

My whole life I've hated going to the dentist. I don't have particularly bad teeth, but every time I've ever been to the dentist it's absolute torture. The sounds of drills and metal rubbing against metal, of metal rubbing against teeth, the nasty smells of fluoride and sterility, and the dentists and their assistants who ask questions the whole time they're digging around in your mouth as if they truly want to make conversation, but who never take their hands out of your mouth so that you can actually answer them have always made me hypothesize that if hell were personalized for each person who ended up there, mine would surely be an eternal dentist's chair (good thing I'm not going to hell).

Then, when I was in high school I visited a new dentist, Dr. Mareno (I think that was her name). She was extremely pleasant. Her dentist's chair had a television on the ceiling that faced straight down so you could watch while they worked. They'd give you headphones, and place the tv's remote control in your hand so that you could choose your own distraction. I watched Seinfeld. The people who worked on you were also all very pleasant. They understood that it's impossible for me to answer questions verbally while my mouth is pried open wide, so after each question they asked, they'd pull their hands out and let you answer. They'd tell their own stories too (which makes much more sense than asking questions the whole time... it is possible to listen to stories with your mouth open).

But the best part about Dr. Mareno's office was the laughing gas. No kidding. They'd rest a little hose-like thing on my nose and pump nitrous oxide through it, and before long I was in a world of my own. I don't remember much about being under its influence. I remember that it felt like I watched 5 or 6 episodes of Seinfeld, but it was probably only one. I remember being completely oblivious to the pain that the dentist was inflicting on my mouth. And I remember feeling great. In fact, I remember the dentist asking me once, "Does this hurt too much?" and while I'm sure my actual answer was, "No," in my head I remember thinking, "I honestly don't care. I feel great." [I still can't say that this experience made me enjoy the dentist, but if you've got to go, Dr. Mareno was the closest thing to a good idea I've ever been part of.]

That story came to my mind when I watched this hilarious video of a little kid who is apparently "under the influence" of some very entertaining narcotic. Enjoy.