Learn something new...

The Chicago Bears, Cleveland Browns, Detroit Lions, Green Bay Packers, New York Giants, New York Jets, and Pittsburgh Steelers are all NFL teams that do NOT have official cheerleaders. I did not know that before today.

Cokesbury and Santos on abortion

There's a Christian bookstore near our home called Cokesbury. Once when we were driving past Elizabeth said, "Every time we pass that store I want cake." I was confused. I asked, "Cake?" She said, "Yeah, that store is called 'Cakesbury.'" I pointed out, "Actually, it's called 'Cokesbury.'" She said, "Oh... Every time we pass that store I want coke."

I laughed. hard.

P.S. Matt Santos' position on abortion is silly (Matt Santos is a character on The West Wing who runs for president as the democratic party's nominee). I used to think it wasn't so bad. Even though he's pro-choice, he says that abortion should be "...a whole lot rarer than it is now." I respected that. I didn't like the pro-choice stance, but was glad that he truly sounded like he'd like to reduce the number of them in the country. Last night when we watched that episode (and I don't know why it's taken me so long to realize this), it hit me that his position is pretty darn stupid. He believes that life begins at conception. He asserts that abortion is "a tragedy." Yet his political stance is that it should be safe and legal. If you think life begins at conception and that abortion is a tragedy, then you concede that it's basically the murder of a person who can't defend itself. Why IN THE WORLD could you believe that it should be legal? (For the record: Yes, I understand that the show is fictional, and that Matt Santos doesn't really exist. Still, I've heard Democrats who hold this same position, or positions very much like it. Plus, I like The West Wing and I get passionate about abortion, so I thought I'd share.)

Inventory and why retail probably isn't for me in the long run

Yesterday we were doing inventory at the bookstore where I work. We've had signs on the door since Monday indicating that we would close early on Thursday evening, and not open until 1 pm on Friday afternoon.

Someone on the facilities team at the seminary dropped the ball on their end, and the doors (which automatically lock and unlock, and cannot be controlled from the store itself) unlocked as usual at 8:30 yesterday morning, even though we were closed. I told my manager that we would have to do something to keep people from coming in. He thought that the original signs on both entrances (indicating that we were closed until 1) would be enough to keep people out.

By 9 am, he realized that he was wrong, and people obviously do NOT read signs at all, because we had probably a dozen people in that first half hour come into the store, and we had to explain to them that we were, in fact, closed for inventory. So a co-worker printed up new signs with big bold lettering that said, "PLEASE DO NOT ENTER. THE BOOKSTORE IS CLOSED FOR INVENTORY AND WILL REOPEN AT 1 PM." Surely, if placed at eye-level where the double-doors come together, people will notice this and stay out of the store. Within 10 seconds of the sign being posted (indeed, before my co-worker could even make his way around to the other entrance in order to not disturb the sign), a middle-aged woman came barging through the door.

Finally, we realized that a physical barrier was going to have to be put in place in order to keep people from entering the store. We have some stansions in the store (you know, those things like at the bank or the airport that direct where the line is supposed to go; the canvas strips that run between posts), so we ran a barrier in front of the front door. That was finally the thing that worked... sort of. There were still students that would get all the way to the door, try to open it, realize that in order to open the door they'd have to knock down our barrier, and THEN pause to read the TWO posted signs about why they couldn't get in.

One interesting thing to me was the reactions we got from people. When told we were closed, some students retorted, "Well, I'm just cutting through to get to the student center." "Oh!" I thought about saying, "Well, then in your case, we're not closed. We're open for people who are just cutting through, but if you're interested in buying anything, THEN we're closed." Other students would say, "Oh, well I just wanted to see if you have this certain book," or, "Oh, well I really need to buy this book this morning." In my mind (but not out loud) I thought, "Perhaps someone should explain to you what 'closed' means. When you go to a store that's 'closed,' you're not allowed to just look around. You're also not allowed to buy an item just by claiming that you really need it. 'Closed' means 'closed.' Not open to the public. Do you understand? Do I need to draw you a diagram? YOU'RE A GRADUATE STUDENT."

I think my favorite response was from the woman who barged in right after the really obvious sign was put up (and in case it wasn't properly explained, she basically had to rip the sign in two in order to get the front door open). A co-worker politely explained, "I'm sorry, we're actually closed right now for inventory, as the sign on the door says." The woman laughed and said, "Oh! I wondered what that sign was there for!" "Really?" I thought. "Did you really wonder? Apparently you wondered so much that you completely IGNORED that sign. There are about 15 words on it. It's a bright, clear, sunny day. I can see no visibility problems here. Apparently you DIDN'T wonder what the sign was there for, because it would have taken you about 1.5 seconds to read it. Then you wouldn't have practically ripped it off."

My wife and I talked at length about this phenomenon last night. What is it that keeps us from paying attention? Is it our culture? Are Americans too distracted, antsy, and self-centered to be aware of what's around them? There's a book called The Dumbest Generation. I don't remember who the author is, but I guess its premise is basically that since we are so reliant on technology today, we're dumber because we don't have to retain knowledge at all. We wondered that if the "DO NOT ENTER" sign had been on a large-screen television outside the store, would people have been more likely to notice it? No matter what the reasons behind ignoring the signs in the first place, I think I was most thrown by the huge collection of ridiculous responses we got when we told people we were closed. Baffling. Your thoughts?

25 Random Things About Me

Everyone else is doing it on Facebook. I rarely use Facebook, so I'm doing it here.

1.     My second-most embarrassing moment was when my family attended a church picnic at a park when I was probably 8 or 10 years old. The playground was down a big hill from the parking lot. When we parked, I saw friends down on the playground swinging on the swings, so I took off to join them. I didn’t realize that the pouring rain from the night before left the hill rather slippery… and muddy. I wiped out, and when I stood up I was a complete mudball. I was also really embarrassed.

2.     My first-most embarrassing moment happened in band class my junior year of high school. My older brother was a senior, and he’s very musically gifted, so the band director had him playing tuba (which is what I played) for a couple of songs, since I was the only other tuba player in the band. At a quiet point in the middle of rehearsal, Joel ripped maybe the hugest fart I’ve ever heard, and then immediately spun toward me and gasped, as if he couldn’t believe what I’d just done. By that point it was too late to deny my guilt, and the whole room fixed their eyes on me. I swore I’d never talk to Joel again, and so far I haven’t. (okay, that last part’s not true)

3.     My brothers and I completely made up at least a dozen games and sports over the course of our childhood including gutterball, bull, fumble, and tennis-home run derby. I’d be happy to explain the rules of any of these to you if you’d like.

4.     Although I love the game of baseball, nothing captures my interest like NFL football. I love to watch it, analyze it, talk about it, and do anything else you can do with it (I’d say “play it” except I don’t think I’d make the team).

5.     In #4 I should have said “nothing captures my interest like NFL football except the television show The West Wing. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and venture a guess that there are few, if any, people in the world that have watched that show as much as I have or know more about it than I do.

6.     When people break certain laws (going a few miles over the speed limit) it doesn’t bother me at all, but when they break laws that put the lives of others in grave danger (running red lights – which I see here in Denver at least once or twice a day) I get instantly livid. There’s very little that makes me as angry.

7.     I’d like to live in Iowa again someday.

8.     The Princess Bride is my all-time favorite movie. Tied for second are A Few Good Men, Good Will Hunting, and The Shawshank Redemption.

9.     As much as I love the movie The Princess Bride, the book is probably ten times as good. No joke. Read it. You’ll laugh your head off. I did literally. Luckily, I was able to reattach it without the help of doctors.

10.  I’ve been to six countries in my life, if you count a layover in Amsterdam, and if you also count California. The United States (duh), Canada (band trip, senior year of high school), Turkey (school trip, summer after my sophomore year in college), and Jamaica (missions trip, summer after my junior year in high school).

11.  My first car was a 1991 Pontiac Grand Am (red). I shared it with my brothers, and I wasn’t excited when we got it because I’d told my folks that my only vehicle preference was a four-door, and the Grand Am was a two-door. My older brother named it Jean Claude (as in Jean Claude Grand Am). He thought he was hilarious. When I took driver’s ed the car we drove was a red 1999 Grand Am (four-door). I loved it, and I vowed that someday I’d own one. Ironically enough, that’s the exact car I now drive, because I married a woman who owned one (don’t worry, there were other reasons why I married her). Other vehicles I’ve owned: 1988 Chevy Celebrity (turd-brown), 2006 Yamaha FZ-6 (motorcycle, blue), and a 1993 Mercury Cougar (silver).

12.  If money weren’t a factor, I’d spend my life traveling. There are about 500 places on my “places I’d like to visit” list. One thing I realistically hope to do at some point in my life is drive from Vancouver to San Diego down the Pacific Coast.

13.  I love BIG dogs, and I hope to own one someday. It’ll probably be a yellow lab or lab-retriever, but if it was entirely up to me, it’d be some kind of mastiff/saint bernard/great dane/german shepherd kind of mix (did I mention I like BIG dogs?)

14.  I have a crush on Judge Marilyn Milian from The People’s Court. I won’t elaborate.

15.  I don’t understand why Word 2007 (2008, if you’re a Mac user) saves things in the default format “.docx” instead of “.doc”. All it means is that if you don’t have the new software (which is itself really annoying) then you can’t open such documents.

16.  I think that Morgan Freeman has a fantastic narrator’s voice (see The Shawshank Redemption), but even that is not enough to save March of the Penguins. It’s a Discovery Channel documentary. That’s it. Why was it a glorified theater blockbuster? I don’t know.

17.  I once drove from Pella, IA to some little town in Missouri on a Tuesday night with my brother and his wife (though they weren’t yet married at the time) for supper.

18.  I doodle, and I doodle a LOT. My doodles almost entirely consist of symmetrical geometric shapes and patterns. Analyze that however you like.

19.  I prefer Letterman to Leno, but I think the funniest person on television just might be Ellen Degeneres.

20.  Even though Keith Green is not terribly popular with my generation, he is one of my favorite lyricists and singers ever.

21.  I swear more now that I’m a student at a conservative evangelical seminary than I ever did before I was one (but don’t worry, mom, it’s still not that much).

22.  I’m much better at owning, categorizing, organizing, and displaying my books than I am at reading them (and I owe my organizational style to Kim – but not the stuff about not reading my books).

23.  My wife and I frequently play Taboo together, but since it’s just the two of us, we obviously can’t buzz each other.

24.  Coupons are a way of life.

25.  And the number 25 random thing about me is… (drum roll please) actually, you have to wait for it until I stop working at my present place of employment, because as long as I work there, I can’t be completely honest about it. (sorry for the letdown)

The sad reality of seminary

I'm not trying to over-blog... but I just had to share this story.

A seminary friend of mine was sitting in a classroom about 10 minutes before class was to start. Another friend walked into the room and asked friend 1 what he was reading. Friend 1 said, "The Bible." Friend 2 replied, "For what class?"

I thought it was a funny story, but it's also a glimpse of seminary life. I would venture to guess that many, if not most, seminary students do a lot less "free reading" of the Bible while they're in seminary than when they're not.

Thesis ideas, anyone?

I'm taking a research methods class this semester where you learn how to do research in preparation for a Master's thesis. For the class, you basically pick a thesis topic and treat it like the real things as you put together bibliographies and do preliminary research. It is strongly encouraged to choose a topic that you actually will eventually use for your thesis, because otherwise all your work is for naught.

My problem is that I haven't chosen a thesis topic yet (an actual one) and it's just about time for me to be picking one for this class. I'd like it to be the topic I eventually actually write a thesis on. So... I'm looking for suggestions. I will be writing a thesis for an MA in Biblical Studies, with an emphasis on the New Testament, so my thesis topic HAS to deal primarily with some aspect of the New Testament text (in other words, I can't write primarily on Pauline theology, though I can certainly include that within the thesis, but I can write on Paul's use of "mystery" language or something like that). Anyone have any good ideas? Just for your information, I happen to have a personal interest in the synoptic gospels, and Mark's gospel in particular. I also have an interest in history, and in the writings of Josephus and the early church fathers. Obviously, the right topic probably can't include all of these, and your ideas don't have to include any of them, but I wanted you to have a little bit to work with as you start bombarding me with possible topics. :) Thanks

P.S. Someday I fully intend to write a lengthy essay incorporating my all-time favorite television show, The West Wing, into a discussion of Christianity and pop-culture. If I could do it for a Biblical studies thesis I would, but I can't, so I'll save it for later.

Looking for something cute?

LaCrosse

Last night I went to a LaCrosse game. The Colorado Mammoth took on the New York Titans at Denver's Pepsi Center. It was super fun. LaCrosse might be the only sport that I've never followed or played before that has a chance of winning me over some day. I don't mean that it'll ever be NFL-big for me, but I could see myself wanting to go to multiple games in a season, and learning the rules more closely, and getting excited if the Mammoth do well.

On the game program cover it says, "Mammoth LaCrosse. It's huge." I thought that was funny.