Future Me: About school work

Dear Future Jake,

I pray that you're not still doing school work. If you are, it must mean you decided to pursue a Ph. D. (or another master's, or another bachelor's?) over my strong objections. C'mon, man. I begged you. Seriously, take a moment to punch yourself in the face (just once, please—and not too hard). You're supposed to be done with that stuff by now. You promised.

In any case, if you still regularly have homework and deadlines, take this advice: Plead with Elizabeth to help you set up a schedule for when you will work on your projects. Be specific and STICK TO YOUR SCHEDULE. Believe me, I know how wonderful you are at procrastinating (perhaps that's what you're getting your Ph. D. in?), but it is not worth the nightmare you will experience in the days leading up to your deadline. If you make a schedule and stick to it, you'll roll your eyes a few times when you're forced to do homework weeks before it's due, but when you complete your final draft a week ahead of time, you will realize that your work is better, and your heart is healthier because you are not completely stressing yourself out. Celebrating a job well done before the job needs to be done is one of those truly liberating feelings, and it's great.

Now, make sure you thank your wife. You know that even with a non-procrastinating schedule, you never would have stuck to it if she hadn't made you. She's the reason you've finished all your homework with days (weeks?) to spare. Take her out to dinner and buy her something nice (or try to convince her to conveniently forget about her milk allergy for an evening and indulge in carry-out pizza and boxed macaroni... okay okay, that's more for you than for her. Sorry).

Jake (2011 version)